All Marital Conversations Guaranteed True

Me: "Is it wrong that..."

Husband (without looking up from copy of Harper's): "...sometimes you spend hours looking up 'fart' on YouTube? Yes. Yes, it's wrong, and you're going to burn in hell."

Which is good to know, I guess.

I do have a weakness for the fifth-grade-boy humor, now more than ever, because I am suffering from the insomnia, brought on by the Excruciating Leg Cramps of Doom.

I wake up with the leg cramps in the middle of the night, and the baby's all kicky kicky, and I can't get back to sleep, so I spend hours looking at lists of baby names, watching fart videos on YouTube, reading about Lindsay Lohan, and writing heartfelt emails to my assistant averring that even if things between us go horribly, horribly wrong, I will never go after her mother in my minivan.

Here is my favorite fart story of the day. It's from Salon! Which means it's, you know, highbrow! (You have to watch an ad before the site lets you on, but trust me. Worth it).

In other news, in what is surely the pinnacle of my fame, my knocked-up-edness was reported in People Magazine. Yes, me and Courtney Thorne-Smith made the "Expecting" column, which I'm sure C T-S read, and thought, "Jennifer who?"

But when you think about it, we're not that far apart. She was on "Melrose Place," I never missed an episode. She was in "In Style Weddings," I never miss an issue. She was on "Ally McBeal." I once wrote an article about "Ally McBeal." Her first marriage lasted seven months. I lived in Lexington, Kentucky for eight months. Except for only one of us being thin, blonde and legitimately famous, we're practically the same person, and I'm positive that she spends a lot of time typing "fart" into the YouTube search engine, too.


(Also, I just learned that Courtney -- as I'll now be calling her -- has written a book! We are totally twinsies!)

Speaking of books, I finished the last Harry Potter, which I loved. Even though I agree with the one bit of criticsm I read -- that J.K. Rowling's more adept at world-building than big crowded fight scenes -- I am totally in awe of her achievement. And the big, old-fashioned ending just blew me away.

Now and I'm having bad luck finding a good book. Pre-Harry, I plodded through a highly-praised New York Times book of the year, billed as a comedy of manners, which I found to be glacially paced, needlessly wordy and dismayingly un-funny (not a fart joke to be found).

The only thing that can make a bad book better is reading it in the company of others, to whom you can complain. I read the book on the beach, telling my mother that I couldn't figure out why it had gotten so much praise, given that the characters ranged from unlikable to really unlikable, and that the only character who did anything for the first hundred pages was a vomiting cat (and then the cat died!)

I handed the book off to my Mom when I was done. She promptly declared that it was fantastic. Go figure.

So...does anyone have a good book to recommend? A good YouTube video?