Update: the Access Hollywood piece is now tentatively scheduled to run tomorrow night.

And the worst part about this whole eye thing? No eyepatch. I mean, don't get me wrong, the Percocet was lovely, but how cool would it have been to show up at a reading looking all Andrew Vachss?

Instead, I'm just all bloodshot and gooey (thanks to the antibiotic ointment). It's not dashing or piratical at all.