So there I was, all ready to blog the Oscars, to poke fun at the fashion, to lament the defanged Jon Stewart, and to bitch about how the leading ladies of IN HER SHOES were at least as good as the other female nominees when what happened?

My wireless network crashed.

There's a best picture joke in there somewhere. I'm too bitter to make it.

I did have time to write about the five best picture nominees, including Munich, which I haven't seen and will not see. Why not?

Because I spent about eight of my formative years attending Hebrew school and services at the Farmington Valley Jewish Congregation, where Rabbi Howard S. Herman – himself a film star! – would preface the final recitation of the Kaddish each Shabbat by saying, “It is a Reform custom that we remain standing to say Kaddish for those who have no one left to say Kaddish for them.” Among his list of those with no one left – “the six million of the Holocaust and the eleven Olympians who died so NEEDlessly and TRAGically in Munich, GERmany.” You listen to that every Friday night for eight years, then tell me whether you want to see a movie called Munich. Yeah, didn’t think so.

This is also the reason I haven’t seen Schindler’s List. It is, basically, a get-out-of-any-movie-where-bad-things-happen-to-Jews-free card.