Given my recent concerns about my family's privacy, does it make me a total hypocrite if I want to enter my baby in the Stonyfield Yogurt YoBaby Cover Baby Contest?

Probably. But she could win a five thousand dollar savings bond, and finally contribute something to the household.

And the savings bond comes with a free topping!

Oh, I hate moral dilemmas!

One of the questions I'm frequently asked that does not show up on my Frequently Asked Questions page is, "Do you get free stuff from all of the Philadelphia shops and restaurants you mention in your books?"

And I am forced to answer that, alas, in all my years of diligent toil, I haven't gotten so much as a free goddamn chicken wing.

All of that changes tomorrow, when the local public relations association is giving me a gold medal for all the good I've done for the city of Philadelphia! Not to mention all of the money I've paid in wage taxes, parking tickets and overdue library book fines!

Not really. But there's going to be a luncheon, and my friends will be there, and my Mom's coming in, unless the crappy weather strands her in Connecticut. Should be fun. Or at least interesting.

Last but not least, you know what Lucy likes? Polka.