The girls don wildly unflattering bodysuits and high heels and have to do a runway walk. Shandi is first. And if the first rule of a catwalk is, as we've learned, "walk like it's for sale and the rent is due tonight," Shandi better get J. one of those big, fake handlebar moustaches and tie herself like a damsel in distress to some nearby train tracks because, well, she must pay the rent but she can NOT pay the rent. Her walk. So clompy and halting and less "look at the simple elegance of those shoes/ that dress/ that suit" and more, like, "Aaaaaaah. Monsters. They're coming. Monsters."

The Television Without Pity recap of America's Next Top Model is up, and it is brilliant.