Collette says she is eager to indulge in all the snack food that beckons; her role as Diaz's sister demands that she gain weight to play "a British porn star in a crazy wig. My breasts enter the room before I do," Collette says with a laugh as engaging as her Aussie accent.

Huh?

Rose is going to look like a British porn star?

Does anybody reading this know what a British porn star looks like?

Is anybody reading this a British porn star?

I am loathe to ask Google to help me with this. Lord only knows where typing in "British porn star" will take me.

And hey, according to the Chicago Tribune, at least she's eating.

The British porn star line wasn't even the weirdest thing about this story.

That would've been the author's description of Collette's Muriel, "an overweight but spirited young woman."

Instead of, one supposes, "overweight and listless." Or "overweight and lazy." Or "overweight and sitting like a Ho Ho on the couch like the rest of the fatties."

I may have to write a letter to the editor.

Jen