Say it ain't so, Joe.....

Evan Marriott has picked his princess, and it's sweet innocent Zora, as opposed to "sophisticated" Sarah (I think on Fox, "sophisticated" means "knows what gnocchi are." Or, possibly, "has appeared in fetish videos as opposed to posing topless on the Internet.")

Call me a sap, call me a mark, but I was happy when Zora took the prize. She seemed like a genuinely nice person (and yes, I know, she could've just been edited that way. Except she works with the elderly. And not even the attractive elderly!)

I liked the "revisit the ladies" segment, as conceived and executed by those snarky Fox editors (watch MoJo raise her eyebrows over and over and over! Hear Melissa say Omigod over and over and over! See the ladies unanimously agree that Heidi -- with her bad attitude, bad French, and Magic Marker'd eyeliner -- was just as bad as she seemed!)

But the majority of last night's episode wasn't so terrific. I think the funniest part was when the voiceover began "Last week on 'Joe Millionaire'....," and Adam and I both yelled "NOTHING!" at the exact same instant.

But in the final analysis, I feel like we, the viewers, were denied our money shot -- a hefty helping of unmitigated, unedited, heavily-bleeped outrage when the ladies found out they'd been duped, suckered, and lied to. Sure, watching the women complain about each other was interesting, in a sort of junior-high-revisited way, but really, I wanted to see them rip Evan a new one.

Instead of outrage, we got speeches that sounded scripted to my ears ("Zora, it's been, well, a roller-coaster...but I choose you!" Huh?) We got Sarah looking, at best, mildly miffed. Then we got Sarah packing. Then we got Sarah fellating a sock, which was almost as good as outrage, but not quite. Dammit, I want some anger. You know that Heidi's pissed!

Anyhow. Here's Jonathan Storm on Frenchiegate. And if Lambertville, New Jersey, really does sponsor Zorafest, as its mayor promised, Adam and I are so there.