Direct quotes from tonight's Larry King, when the guest was Anna Nicole Smith.

KING: Being large breasted, did you have breast augmentation?

SMITH: Yes, I did.

KING: Up or down?

(Okay, as we all know, augmentation means "up." By definition. I was waiting for ol' Anna to roll her eyes at him. I overestimated her).

SMITH: Both.

I actually spent time trying to figure out what she meant by that. Did she have naturally large breasts that she had made even larger, then had reduced? Did she just mean that she had both breasts augmented? Did she have one breast taken up, and the other one taken down?

You don't know whether to laugh, or cry, or go back to watching the Miss Universe pageant.

And also, the news that is at once thrilling and maddening: GOOD IN BED is going to be number 16 on the New York Times paperback best-seller list for the week of June 9. It's thrilling, because that's as high as the book's ever been, after eight weeks bouncing around the extended list. It's maddening, because of course the damn paper only publishes numbers 1 through 15. Oh, if only I'd encouraged friends and loved ones to go out and buy a few more thousand copies last week!