And now, on a lighter, Lewinsky-free note, this funny article about author photos, and infamous author photographer Marion Ettlinger, who always makes her subjects look very artsy and dramatic and frequently has them doing odd things with their hands.

I've never been Ettlingered, and probably never will be. The author photo on the hardcover of GOOD IN BED was taken when I was a contributing editor at the late, lamented Mademoiselle. It is the product of a few hours' worth of extensive hair and makeup help, the work of a photographer, a photographer's assistant, and someone whose job, I swear, was to stand behind the camera and yell "DON'T TOUCH IT!" whenever I made as if to reach for my hair. For a long time, it was my favorite picture of myself, and I resolved to use it until my face fell off.

There's a new picture on the paperback. Black and white. Slightly longer hair, more casual clothes. Same smile (hey, it's not like I can grow a new one). It was taken by Jerry Bauer, who does lots of author photos (he shot Lisa Zeidner right before me, and was on his way up to Brooklyn to take Judy Budnitz's picture right after), and was taking my picture for one of my foreign publishers, who weren't satisfied with Old Faithful. He didn't have an assistant, or anyone to do hair and makeup, but he did some very funny Austin Powers-esque shtick during our shoot at 30th Street Station here in Philadelphia. "Yes," he'd murmur, "yes!" as I tilted my head and smiled. Then, "No. No! Nononononono!" when I'd inhale too deeply. I kept waiting for him to say, "You're a lemur! Burrow, baby, burrow!" But it didn't happen (he did, however, say the three words that no recently-photographed woman wants to hear: "We can retouch.") And the photographs were great, and there's one of them on the back of the paperback, which should be in bookstores just about any minute now.